How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize