The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
