You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
