I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
