The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
