I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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