You smell like a Billy Joel song
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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