I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
