just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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