my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
