I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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