did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
