Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
