My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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