i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
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had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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