sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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