i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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