Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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