I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
