drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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