i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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