I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
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im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
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Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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