champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
