so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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