Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
