Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize