4 words: hood of his car
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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