I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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