Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
