Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
