I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
