How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
