This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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