he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
did i just pee glitter
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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