why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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