i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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