You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
