Heybabeimwearingurpanties
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
