Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
