**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I know her cup size but not her name....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
