she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
