why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
