Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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