Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
