:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think I sprained my soul last night
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
