forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
