What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize