I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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