so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
