Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
