and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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