help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
