Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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