new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize