My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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