theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
