Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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