happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
