you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
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sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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