pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
