fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
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He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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