It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
