I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
