Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
