She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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