sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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