Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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