Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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