In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
being pregnant is like rehab
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
