Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
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You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
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You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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