U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
