I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
