we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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