In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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