I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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